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Published in Legacy Online, March 2004

Why We're Grumpy

No, I'm not writing again about the gallery closing.  Enough of that.

Rather, I want to use this forum to address a problem that goes to the very heart of the American Spirit, which has an impact on the economy, the domestic tranquility, even the upcoming presidential contest:  people are more grumpy these days.  And it's all the fault of the Atkins Diet.

It's well established that there's a connection between carbohydrate consumption and mood.  Carbs make you (fat and?) happy.  There's a reason cows are contented, in spite of their lot in life.  People who suffer mild depression crave carbohydrates to take the edge off their blues.  Man, when I'm feeling down, pass the pretzels.

But with the Atkins Diet, carbs are definitely a no-no.  And something like 209% of the population is now on some form of the Atkins Diet.  So, is it any wonder that people are more cranky?  Crotchety?  Grumpy?  We've become a country in the grips of a grim carbohydrate withdrawl.

So, this week for the reception, come and cheer up.  Yeah, we may be closing the gallery (oops, sorry, it slipped in), but we've got pretzels.  Be happy.  Moo.

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